I got some bad news the other day, and I am really worried and scared... I don't kno what to do, don't kno what to say... It's really hard, I'm just lost... My Dad has to get another surgery... Me and my Dad were really close when I was little, he would always take me places. We share the same interests, but as I got older it all changed. I pushed him away, and ever since then I don't kno what to do to get close to him again... It's hard for me and him, because we are so alike and stubborn... Sometimes I just wanna tell him that I love him, or give him a hug - but I am scared to show emotions. .. Certain things have happened in my life, and it changed me into another person ... When he got his first surgery it was hard, I didn't wanna go to the hospital... The night before his surgery I left the house and didn't come back for a few days. It was hard... Still is... I'm just lost and it's like there is nothing I can do or say to make things feel even a little 'normal' ...

With all of this, I've kinda become self destructive... I kno that's not the right way to deal with things but I don't have the strength to do it right... I kno what the right was is to deal with things, but this is easier... Easier at the time, but then worse later... I'm just living in the moment I guess...

I've gotta go get ready for work... And then try and manage to keep myself together for atleast 8hrs...


i continue to build a wall
you were so strong
i fell to my knees
and i don't think i can handle this at all

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