My mind is so fucked up, I cannot even organize my thoughts. I mean before I would try, but now I don't... Anyways... I fucked up another good thing, I am so great at doing that. But then I fuckin beat myself up about it, but why? Because I never learn my fuckin lesson, and continue to do the same dumb shit... Maybe I never did change, I probably just got worse... See but it's funny, because I tried to not do something dumb, but yea it didn't work too well...

I feel so fucked up inside... I no longer tell people shit, I lie to people to make them think I am OK... I'm beginning to think that some maybe have caught on to that shit awhile ago... Whatever the case may be, I need to stop... But you see it's not that simple...

Sure I am rambling on, like usual. Nothing is making sense to anyone reading this.... And I'm sure when I read it I won't even understand it...

Maybe I need to let my guard down, see but I tried that and it just made people ask more questions. I like being secretive... It's part of who I am... But it is starting to catch up to me...

My eyes are bloodshot, lack of sleep. My mind is racing, lack of medication... I am going to go sit in the freezing cold until I am numb...

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